Personal Development


Yesterday was my 29th birthday.

Closing the 20s chapter and preparing for the next decade feels like a exciting dream. The 30s, oh, I’m thrilled, thrilled!

It is my hope that this piece affirms someone else’s thoughts or invites them to access their own. It needs to be said that I’m a work in progress, in fact, these insights were mostly drawn from the mistakes I made.

Here are some of those lessons.

Seek clarity who you are. The discovery of self is an important, continuous process filled with experiences and moments of looking within. Keep seeking clarity of all that you embody. Stay true to it.

Every day, do at least one thing that makes you happy. Be constantly aware of these things. Create time for them. Do them a lot.

Be mindfully present. Allow yourself to stay in the moment. This moment right now is what will form into memories in the years to come.

Let your intuition guide you into choosing experiences. It will choose those that are good for you.

Slow living is a good thing. If this one speaks to you, yes it is OK to honor stillness. It is Ok to take time to enjoy your blessings. Move with ease. We’ll actually do a separate story on this soon.

Flow is where it’s at. I had this belief that good things shouldn’t come easy. If an experience was flowing easily, I would speculate or even sabotage it. I thought anything I wanted had to be difficult then go through it.

No. We deserve beautiful things, period. We deserve spaces that flow with us in all seasons. We deserve to experience them with ease.

In my life, flow is where it’s at.

Books open us up to a new world each time.

When you create from your soul versus your ego, what you create looks and feels different.”- Lalah Delia.

I hope I’m truly doing this. I hope to connect deeper with my soul. I think it’s one way of staying true to purpose.

Manifest your life. Manifest.

We meet others with as much depth as we have met ourselves.

Boundaries are necessary and healthy. Identify yours. Maintain them. Respect those of others too.

You have the right to speak up for yourself. Choose on what circumstances to speak on. You have the right to defend yourself, to speak the truth, to release it. I can count many times when I didn’t use my voice when I should have. I think sometimes it is an injustice to ourselves when we don’t use our voices for us.

You are responsible for your own life choices only. We can ask for help without handing over our battles. We can offer support without carrying battles that are not ours. Also, be more aware not to absorb or project ours onto others.

You are worthy just as you are. You are not as good as your job title, as your clothes, as your productivity, as other factors other than what is inside you. Identity and self-worth shouldn’t be pegged on external elements.

You are worthy just as you are.

Be yourself. You are going to be invited into rooms that were built with people like you in mind. You will walk into spaces that will need people of your kind to fill it. Create those spaces too. Each one of us is unique when we are being ourselves.

Keep investing in yourself.

Allow yourself to evolve for you. Don’t force it. Don’t push it away. Teach it to move with your rhythm.

Hold space for people more, when you are able to. I think holding space is about being genuinely interested in someone and be there for them emotionally, mentally or physically. I think it is about making them feel seen and heard.

It is OK to question. It is OK to want something different. You don’t have to live up to anything only because it is what is accepted. Also, you have the right to challenge expectations, biases and stereotypes that society has placed on women. You have the right to look at life through other lenses.

Keep being gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself. Cater to your needs. Be patient with yourself. Be at ease with yourself.

Give yourself permission to step out of the norm. Dye your hair. Visit new places. Read different genres. Do different things.

Your work is needed in this world. It matters. Each one of us has something to give to the world.

Parenting is a journey. Living and approaching it with intentionality gives clarity.

All of us can play a role in conserving the environment. It requires simple decisions like putting the trash in the bin, recycling water bottles, paying a fee to visit conservation areas.

Honor the stories of those you interview. A killer story can still respect people’s stories, impact the audience and contribute to the business.

Every emotion is valid. Emotions has messages of what we need to do. Accept it. Listen to the message. Respond to it. Release it.

We are all doing our best. Well, this is not to give anything a pass. This here is to acknowledge that we are all going through something. And with this knowing, it becomes easier to give grace for ourselves and for anyone else.

Everything that you need exists within you. When it all seems strange, it could be because it is inviting you to access parts of yourself because you are ready for that now.

Black Girl In Om podcast. It is so good. I highly, highly recommend it. Here’s its link:

I hope you are all doing well. What are some of the lessons that you have learned so far?

Emotional overwhelm is the state of an intense flooding of a feeling, thought or physical sensation which you find extremely difficult to control. Mind, body and spirit is overpowered, imprisoned by it. Increased heartbeat, struggle in breathing, difficulty in sleeping, lack of focus, headache and low productivity are some of the signs.

While we can experience emotional excitement overload, which bears a bit of resemblance to overwhelm of unpleasant emotions, we shine a light on the latter today. And while anyone can undergo emotional overwhelm, it is a constant battle for a highly sensitive person (HSP) . The reason is that HSPs absorb external stimuli and process information deeply. What may seem unimportant to others is experienced to an extreme degree by HSPs.

How do you lessen instances of emotional overwhelm?

It takes an intentional and continuous effort to do so, especially for HSPs. Still, there will be instances brought about by plenty of responsibilities, expectations or situations which will leave you overstimulated if you are a HSP. With that said, here are steps to take to reduce an occurrence of an overwhelm.

Know your emotional triggers

Be aware of what activates your triggers to help manage yourself when situations arise. The triggers could include a pile of work, a forthcoming presentation, conversation, and so on.

Psychology experts advise coming up with a plan beforehand to get yourself out of it. Have a personal mantra ready to help you lessen the possibility of an emotional flooding when faced by a trigger.

Author of The Seat of the Soul and spiritual teacher Gary Zukav believes that being aware of the origin of your emotions is the first step to opening your heart to compassion. He goes on to say that whenever you experience undesirable emotions, you can act on them from a place of love instead of fear. For example, gratitude and calmness comes from a place of love while panic and worry is from a place of fear.

It rarely helps to fight off unpleasant emotions. Acknowledging them, seeing the important messages they carry, and letting the pass through without a battle puts you in a better place. As the quote goes, “the feeling you want to feel is waiting on the other side of the feeling you don’t like.”

Cater to your emotional needs

Take a good chunk of your time to pay attention to your mind, body and spirit. You can do this by going to places of nature, listening to calming music, getting enough sleep, surrounding yourself with dear ones, keeping track of your thoughts and feelings by journaling and meditating.

If you easily face emotional exhaustion constantly, you need a lot of solitary time to center yourself and, ultimately, to thrive.

Simplify your life

Although it is hard but necessary, there are some days in which journalist and rapper Graham Kajilwa ignores certain phone calls or texts whose conversations will leave him emotionally overwhelmed.

“I postpone having specific conversations when I am not ready. I would have to politely decline social invitations too. Sometimes people do not understand that is what I truly need at the time. When I am in a good space emotionally, I can fully show up for others,” explains Graham.

Other steps to simplify your life is by taking only what you can accomplish at a given time. Plan ahead, prioritize tasks, learn to say no and ask for help when you have a lot on your plate, and pat yourself in the back when you make any form of progress.

Our friends over at TheEfficientWoman recently informed us about dopamine fasting here  It is an intentional decision to forego things you love to have a sense of grounding and clarity. You can go for this too.

Lastly, we recommend seeing a therapist to walk this journey with you if you are frequently overwhelmed.

Say, journaling has crossed your mind as 2019 sets into the horizon. You get a journal at a bookstore. You look at it every day, thinking about what it is you are going to record as your first entry. Days fly by, you nearly forget about it. There are days when you open it, hardly jot down anything, close it and look at the page days later. Where do you start? How do you make it a practice?

This is the story of many journaling beginners.